#16 - Healing the Inner Child (Overcoming Triggers in Motherhood) Ft. Ashley Romney

Have you ever felt overwhelmed, overstimulated, or triggered while parenting and wondered, Why am I reacting this way? What if those moments of frustration weren’t just about your child—but about your own unmet childhood wounds?

In this powerful episode of Kingdom Mothers, I sit down with Ashley Romney, a heart-centered mentor with over 16 years of experience in deep healing work through Jesus Christ, inner child healing, IFS, and somatic practices. Ashley has a unique gift for helping others identify limiting beliefs, hold space for healing, and see themselves the way God does.

Together, we dive into:
✨ How childhood wounds can show up in your parenting
✨ Why triggers are actually invitations to healing
✨ A live, vulnerable healing session where I work through one of my own childhood wounds

This episode is a must-listen for any Kingdom Mother ready to break generational cycles and parent from a place of wholeness and peace.

🎧 Tune in now!

Connect with Ashley Here:

https://facebook.com/ashleyromney 

https://instagram.com/ashleyromney 

https://tiktok.com/healingheartsinchrist

https://ashleyromney.com/

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RESOURCES:
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Transcript

09:50:34 Yeah.
09:50:35 Awesome. Okay.
09:50:40 Welcome back to another episode of Kingdom Mothers. I'm so excited to have Ashley Romney on the episode with us today. So before we get started, let's dive in.
09:50:48 With a prayer and a prayer and All right, let's start. Father, thank you so much for just connecting Ashley and I back together again. And I just ask your blessing and favor to fall upon this episode and this conversation.
09:51:01 As we just dive into some. Deeper conversation and things that a lot of people just don't talk about. So we just hope that we're able to shine your light on this area of heart healing and inner healing.
09:51:14 And that you just bring the right people who are in need of this type of healing and just want to receive your restoration and your redeeming your redemption and their story. Father, we just ask your protection to come around Ashley and myself.
09:51:31 As we dive into this podcast episode today. And we just thank you so much for just the beautiful God that you are. In your name, I pray, Jesus. Amen.
09:51:41 Amen.
09:51:43 All right, Ashley, thank you so much for coming on to the podcast with me today. I know we have a very interesting topic, which we're going to be diving more into like heart failing and inner child healing and how that how that like impacts
09:51:57 Our luck of maybe healing in certain areas of our story impacts how we mother and raise our children.
09:52:03 And I know all of us on this podcast listening, like we want to be kingdom mothers. We want to raise the next generation of kingdom warriors And we want to break generational change so we don't have to pass things down.
09:52:16 To our next generation. So I'm really excited to be talking about this because i've um I've definitely been doing inner healing and inner child healing And I can see how the version of me before I started like grief counseling and and
09:52:34 Looking into my child trauma and stuff, that version of a mother is not the version of mother I want to be and i can see how The more I dive into my healing story.
09:52:45 The more patients I have, the more fruit of the spirit i have And so I'm really excited to talk about this. So thanks for coming on. I'd love for you to share your story and just like your journey of how you got into this place of helping other women just
09:52:58 Dive into their stories and heal.
09:53:03 Yeah. Oh my goodness. It is such an honor to be talking about this and to be on your podcast. Thank you so much.
09:53:12 So let's, yeah, I'm a mom and a wife. I have a little four-year-old But my story starts like way before then. About 10 years ago.
09:53:24 I was in a deep, deep, deep, dark depression like something that I haven't experienced since and I'm so grateful for and my heart goes out to anyone who is in any kind of season like that.
09:53:39 I remember driving down the road praying to heavenly father asking for deliverance in some way. And I remember screaming at the top of my lungs I feel as worthless as a grain of sand.
09:53:54 And I literally like saw this beach and I felt so overpowered by the insignificance that I felt of literally being a grain of sand.
09:54:06 And um through lots of rain and miracles things started to pull me out of that.
09:54:18 I literally felt so alone, so abandoned I've always been really good at making acquaintances, but never like that best friend, that best like soul connection.
09:54:29 And in this season i was like feeling like beyond abandoned by all And so it was a miracle when one day acquaintance called and invited me to basically an essential oil party.
09:54:46 And I had never heard of essential oils I left that party with some samples.
09:54:53 And one was like serenity, one was like console. And I had no idea that I needed something like that to lift me out And so as the weeks went on, I was like using these oils daily because it was the only thing that was bringing
09:55:11 Emotion and comfort to my heart and soul in a way that I had not experienced.
09:55:18 And that's not to take away from Christ and his love and the gift of prayer and all of those blessings, but this was taking me to a new level that my soul was ready for and needed. And it was helping me to connect in prayer in a deeper way.
09:55:35 And so little by little, I was introduced to more and more killing.
09:55:43 A friend said one day that she felt prompted to connect me to this other lady.
09:55:47 And this lady is a genius at helping the body heal with the right foods and helping you work through emotions and just all the things that now I love and I do and I'm so passionate about. So I'm so grateful. But she was telling me like your mental health
09:56:00 Hmm.
09:56:05 And all of these physical symptoms that you're currently experiencing like they're all connected and i was like blown away like i had No idea. No idea.
09:56:19 And… she started working through some past experience that I had had I grew up with… dad that was really critical like critical I couldn't do anything right. Everything was just critical and so that built a lot of self-criticism in me where I then became really harsh on myself and I was never enough.
09:56:44 And then I grew up with a mom who struggled deeply with depression, but she would just numb it out by sleeping all day, like 24 seven. And so she wasn't present in the way that I needed her to be.
09:56:58 And so I had built up just so many wounds. And this was also after a season where I competed in nine different pageants and I didn't win one of them.
09:57:11 Yeah.
09:57:07 And so it just like was all building up. Finally, I felt like so worthless. And so she started to help me work through some of these things and helped me realize like.
09:57:19 There's a higher perspective and all of us have equal worth. And this was just news to me. Like for some reason, I just always felt like I was less than. I was less than other people. Like that's the only view and belief that I had had in my heart and mind.
09:57:36 Up until this point. And so little by little more unfolding came. I was able to get more certifications and learn more through courses and And one day I came across this course where it was called Price-Based Parts Integration.
09:57:56 And it was put together phenomenally And all the things that I had learned prior we're building up to me learning this in this particular way. And it was so beautiful and so divine. And once I learned it, that's when I started to
09:58:12 Practice on anyone and everyone. I was constantly just doing session after session. Sometimes they would pay me. Sometimes it was for free. I didn't care. I just wanted to help.
09:58:25 So many souls be set free in the way that i had in the way where I was able to overcome some of the deepest, darkest beliefs that were holding me in bondage.
09:58:39 So that's basically my story of my journey i mean There's probably a little bit more to it, but overall like that was my core wound and just being able to receive the love, the acknowledgement that I didn't fully receive as a child
09:59:01 Meant meant everything for me.
09:59:03 Yes. Yes. I just love that. Thank you so much, Ashley, for sharing that journey and that story with us.
09:59:06 Yeah.
09:59:09 I think it is so important that we do be aware of our wounds and we have father and mother wounds and we're projecting Whether you know it or not, you're projecting your father and mother wounds on how you see your heavenly father
09:59:23 And that was one thing that I've learned in my journey, like the father wounds are being known, protected and provided for and mother wounds are often had her own being liked, loved, and comforted.
09:59:33 And if we have wounds with either one of our physical earthly parents then we're going to project like oh And my physical father right is not, he doesn't give me my identity. He's not protecting me and providing for me. How can I trust that this
09:59:50 God in heaven is going to do the same. I have not experienced that.
09:59:55 Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Thank you so much for bringing that up. That is so important.
10:00:03 I'm going to have to pause right here and we'll just look.
10:00:06 I'll edit this part out but it was political. What? That way I don't have crying in the background.
10:00:08 Okay.
10:00:15 Your blood is out. Oh, I'm sorry. Sure, moving to the telephone.
10:00:39 And it's super blurry. I don't know if you're noticing that.
10:00:41 All right.
10:00:45 But it might just be my computer. So I'm just trying to close it out.
10:00:48 Okay. No, you, on my end, you look fine So we're good. We're good for me.
10:00:54 Okay. Okay, perfect.
10:00:58 Okay, I'm just going to restart over with like the father and mother run part.
10:01:02 And we'll dive back into the conversation. Okay.
10:01:07 Yeah. So like if we're projecting you know earthly father and mother wounds on our heavenly father then oftentimes I feel like that for me like that relationship has been strained until I actually started working on those different father and mother wounds
10:01:22 And that has helped me heal my heal my relationship with my heavenly father have you felt that same way too
10:01:29 My goodness, so much, so much. I can even give you specific examples Yeah, just…
10:01:36 So can you dive a little bit more into how healing our inner child as a parent is going to help us with raising our children?
10:01:45 Oh, yes. I love this question so much. It's so interesting. Our children are like the greatest mirrors for us.
10:01:53 They really are. They're going to like bring out the things that trigger us the deepest.
10:02:02 So what's really interesting is really interesting those moments where you lose it the most with your children or that you're not just being the perfect loving parent that you so deeply desire to be. Those are the moments where you can see that
10:02:20 You were not receiving the love or the safe space that you needed in those exact moments.
10:02:26 So for example. You don't handle your child whining and meeting something like just like that instant i need need this.
10:02:38 Say that's the thing that you lose it on. It's probably because your parents had no clue how to handle that with you. And so now you're projecting this unmet need in your own heart onto them and you're not able to handle it. But when you heal it, when you realize that you were safe in those moments.
10:03:02 You're then able to be the safe space for your child.
10:03:06 Does that make sense?
10:03:08 Yes, yes, that does make sense. And I can just think about too, and I want to talk about like some of the signs or maybe the symptoms or the triggers that we can be aware of because for a long time I was like, why do I feel rage? Why is this emotion coming up for me in response to my child's
10:03:26 Behavior or doing this specific thing. And so helping to identify and understand oh this type of response.
10:03:37 Could mean that you need some inner child healing. So I want to definitely talk about that and like the work and attention of giving our inner child some healing. But I know for me like my um there is a time
10:03:52 Back in 2023 where my son would touch my arm, it would physically cause me to like go into almost like a fight like my whole body would just stiffen up and I'm just like, okay, why does every time you touch me it just like
10:04:08 Sends like my body into this state of I don't even know how to explain like anxiety and just like, don't touch me. Like, I don't like being touched like that. It's That does not feel safe to me. And he's like just grabbing my arm or he would
10:04:26 Do some Like he wouldn't listen to me or he would be acting out and i'm like I could feel like this rage building up for me and just being like This is not allowed. You're not allowed to behave like this
10:04:40 And it wasn't until I started learning about some inner child like my wounds and inner child healing that I started to become aware of like, oh, those are There's some things in my past I might need to look into. So I would love to have your perspective on that with
10:04:54 With your training and coaching background.
10:04:56 Yeah, so did you kind of figure out like why why the touching of the arm was so triggering? Were you able to work through that a little bit?
10:05:05 I haven't the our I don't have like a specific memory or story I can only kind of picture like I'm sure, I mean, I grabbed my son you know all the time like around his arm so i'm like Maybe it was just like I was getting in trouble and like I was grabbed by the arm like that or
10:05:26 I don't know, like, I don't have a specific memory with that. I haven't thankfully felt that in a while For me, it's more than like, okay, why do I feel like in this intense rage like what like the only safe thing for me to do is yell. And I'm like, that's not the parent
10:05:44 So that was kind of a warning where I started thinking This doesn't feel right. Like this is not the type of moment. I don't want to be a yeller. I don't want like my, I came from a family of yelling
10:05:57 And where anger was kind of like the only safe emotion, like crying wasn't safe you can have like i remember this one Where we went through a car wash and I still have anxiety going through a car wash to this day.
10:06:12 And my dad's like, if you don't stop crying, I'm going to put you in the car wash. Like I will take you out of this car and put you in the car wash.
10:06:19 And I heard a lot like, I will give you something to cry about like stop crying. I'm going to give you something to cry about. So like crying was never a safe emotion and like So I've had so i've
10:06:30 With Elijah, like things come up and I'm like okay This isn't right. This isn't normal. I don't feel like this is a normal response for a healthy person to be having this for me to have such a big emotional response to
10:06:46 Son having his own experience like why are my emotions tied to his emotions so I don't know if you have any perspective on that or like wisdom you want to share on that just to explain it and then we can
10:06:56 Go a little deeper into actually how to maybe heal these wounds.
10:07:01 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So, so many layers to this. First, it's really important that we also give grace to our parents like they grew up with parents who were in a really tough generation.
10:07:10 Yes. Yes.
10:07:13 Right like that was it was hard. The more that we can extend grace to our parents while also seeing, whoa, everything really is tied to my past like those two can coexist. That's beautiful.
10:07:24 Mm-hmm.
10:07:26 And then also having compassion for ourselves too. So like in those moments where you're angry and not acting as your highest best self like it's okay like there's there's a reason that it's here and just giving grace to yourself too is really, really, really important. I just cannot emphasize that enough.
10:07:44 But it's so interesting. I love that you we're able to connect the car wash thing of why it's hard for you to go now um What's so beautiful is beautiful so When we cry, we are literally resetting our nervous system. So being able to experience and process through those emotions
10:08:05 Is so needed and so powerful.
10:08:13 Yeah, I just love your awareness around it. I think awareness is the first huge key step.
10:08:19 Of like, okay, what's triggering me right now and why might that relate to a past situation working through it with a person is really powerful. Sometimes you're able to do it by yourself.
10:08:35 But… working through it with a person is really powerful.
10:08:51 I'm so sorry. I just wanted to, I didn't want to like you to lose your train of thought. So I just moved you to speaker mode. His phone fell over and he was like he was having… This is a little meltdown.
10:09:05 He's just like testing you on the spot.
10:09:08 No. He's like, are you going to have a trigger? Oh my gosh.
10:09:15 I might have to leave this part in the podcast, but… Okay.
10:09:22 Yeah, so I think awareness is key and I am really grateful that I've been I've been connected with amazing counselors or I've just been doing the research on my own to be like, okay, what is going on Why am I feeling like just asking those questions and the i follow some really cool people on instagram
10:09:43 Like you're one of them. And then there's like Tori Hine and There's the Honest Pod. Those have been really helpful for me just to bring awareness to like, oh.
10:09:54 They're putting vocab to things that I'm feeling or thinking that i didn't know were like nuts.
10:10:04 Not a normal, we're maybe not normal, but not healed like these are these are signs that you have unhealed trauma or unmet emotional needs, or there's a wound somewhere and this is why you are behaving this way or you're experiencing this overstimulation or you're having these thoughts.
10:10:21 Or these big emotions coming up for yourself. So I think, yeah, having awareness So the fact that if you're feeling overstimulated.
10:10:37 Yes.
10:10:30 If you're feeling certain your own big emotions coming up in kind of a stressful environment or a situation with your child like those are warning signs, red flags that hey you have a you have a story that needs attention and love.
10:10:48 Do you want to talk to that? Are there any other signs? I know for me like my triggers were like either just a physical touch like sent my body into this like fight flight state.
10:11:03 And then I would, for me, like rage was a safe emotion. So that seems like the anger or the yelling just seemed to be like the normal default reslots for me, but have you in your experience seen any other types of
10:11:16 Of like signs or or flags that like, hey, there's something here that needs to be attended to.
10:11:23 Yeah, love this question. Not to overwhelm, but basically anything that is outside of our highest potential, our highest self, what we're striving to become through jesus christ It's a sign that there's more to Hill. And so it's this ongoing work that we get to have continuous compassion for ourselves in
10:11:45 But anytime you're triggered, anytime someone says something and you're just like, ah, like you're just so mad at them. You're living in comparison. You're living in Where you're not able to just be in perfect humility and perfect patience and unconditional love like anything outside of that like literally is something that
10:12:11 There's more work to be done. And that can be overwhelming, like, ah, will I ever be healed? But it's this beautiful journey where we get to partner with Christ.
10:12:21 And that's where we come to truly just know of him, know of his presence.
10:12:26 Know of his love and of his love of his love and deeply have that embedded in our hearts, in our minds in a way that nothing else could like it's all beautiful. This world is messy. The triggers are messy and it's all beautiful.
10:12:45 Yes, it is messy. Messy is, I feel like the key word there.
10:12:50 Well, this for me, I'd be like, yes, my healing journey has definitely been messy. It's not been fun. It's been uncomfortable. It's been a lot of tears, but it's also been beautiful like especially the further I get into it and like the closer to the other side i get to it
10:13:08 I can see like i can see my patient, like I am able to it's almost like I'm able to get rid of the junk and the fruit of the spirit has more room to sit and stay. And so like the patience and kindness
10:13:23 In maybe situations where I wouldn't have been patient or kind I'm able to hold space for those emotions now or those responses And it's even if he he's not necessarily changing his behavior or his emotional response, but my emotional response to that situation
10:13:42 I'm able to be patient longer or I'm able to see him through the lens of Christ instead of just like Oh no, he's not following the rules. That was like for me, it was like, you have to be safe. You have to follow these set rules.
10:13:56 And if you break the rules, then you're not safe. So oftentimes when he's breaking quote unquote the rules It literally, I could feel my inner child be like, this is not safe Abort, freak out, abort, get out of this. This is not safe
10:14:14 Yeah. And so just being able to speak love and compassion to that part of you And I love to envision like Okay, so how old was I?
10:14:26 When maybe this experience was happening where my parents were doing the exact same thing to me.
10:14:31 And then just being able to picture, well, what did I need in that moment?
10:14:36 And kind of rewriting the memories by being able to see your parents in their higher self.
10:14:42 How would they act in their fit? Heavenly Self is what I call it.
10:14:47 And how would they act? What did you need from them? And sometimes if you fully cannot connect your parents to that space, like they were a really unsafe parent or they abusive, whatever, you can bring Christ in. How would Christ show up for you in that moment?
10:15:04 See yourself being parented by Jesus Christ. And that can be so healing and so comforting. But as you kind of just rework these memories and rewrite them, retell the story, which sometimes you'll have to do over and over and over and over again as it keeps replaying and it will get lesser and lesser and lesser intensity.
10:15:24 You really are able to to feel safe, to feel acknowledged whole, but it does take practice. It does take patience with yourself and with the experience that you went through. But I think all of that is here to teach us the love of Jesus Christ.
10:15:41 The love that he had One note on this note on this Where he says.
10:15:56 Yes.
10:15:48 Love others as yourself and love your enemies. Like what parts of ourselves are our enemies like that anger. I've experienced that anger too. And like, so often I'm like, ah you enemy. Like anger shouldn't be here. That's not a fruit of the spirit.
10:16:04 The enemy that we get to learn to love and to practice. And what if that is what we need the most to be to practice living the higher law on other people by practicing with the deepest, darkest parts of ourselves.
10:16:21 Yes. Oh my gosh. Yes. The verse, like. Love others as you love yourself just like came to mind because it's like, how do we if we can't love ourselves, how are we going to love our neighbor?
10:16:34 Yeah.
10:16:32 As we love ourselves. And you see that you see like all of these hurt people hurting other people. And I love the same like hurt people, hurt other people, but healed people heal other people.
10:16:44 I mean, you are a perfect example of that. Like you received healing and you're like, I just want to go and help other people be healed and have freedom.
10:16:51 And so I think that is so true and that's why I'm passionate about this as a mother being aware of, okay, what healing do we need to give to ourselves And it's okay to take that time to to grieve the loss to hold space for that child
10:17:11 Memory that wasn't a safe space or wasn't all we wanted it to be So that our children don't have to Like, I hope my child doesn't need therapy right like and doesn't need grief counseling. Willie probably yes but Because we do live in a fallen world, but are there chains that I don't have to pass down? Are there generational
10:17:30 Traumas and wounds that I don't have to pass down that I can break so my child never has to even try to figure out why he's overstimulated. Why does he have rage? Why does this thing trigger him like i
10:17:43 Don't want him to experience that. If I can do anything to help it.
10:17:48 And I think that it's just so important that we as mothers The more we can practice the ways of jesus the ways of and bring that way into our parenting and into our homes I think the better this next generation is going to be because instead of
10:18:08 Parenting from a place of fear we're going to appear from a place of identity and relationship is my hope for like this this next generation of kingdom mothers who realizing, hey, I don't have to parent the same way my parents did.
10:18:23 And yes, like I have, I love my parents have great relationships with my parents and i recognize Like I'm able at this stage in my life to see them through God's eyes where it's like.
10:18:34 I know some of their story as well and their childhood trauma and be like.
10:18:38 I can forgive them and i can see how they were doing the best that they could with the tools that they were given. And they didn't have all the resources I feel like we have now or just like the awareness of emotions like emotions weren't even talked about. My parents generation and even like as I was coming up
10:18:59 It really wasn't until my 20s where I started even getting engaged with my own emotions And it's because like people are actually talking about it. People are learning how to hold space for other people's emotions and not be afraid of tears and not be afraid of like
10:19:10 Okay.
10:19:15 It's okay to feel angry. But yeah, can we have some safe boundaries around the anger, right? Like we're not going to abuse people. We're not going to hurt people And so teaching our children that Versus our parents didn't really have those skills.
10:19:31 Yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly. I love that you brought that up so like when your child is doing something and you need to set the boundary, just being able to honor, it's okay that you're angry. It's okay that you're mad. And this is how it's going to go down. Like they need that guidance. They need that structure.
10:19:49 But just honoring and nurturing them right where they're at too, not shaming what they are feeling and experiencing as it is coming up from a pure place. Like their default is Joy, which is so cool. We can be reminded that we too
10:20:06 Were met and born for joy, but whatever emotion is coming up, it just needs to be felt and processed so that we can go back to that default.
10:20:14 I wanted to note one more thing. What's really interesting is a lot of times our love language is the unmet need that we had as a child.
10:20:26 Hmm.
10:20:25 So mine is confirmation. I love words of affirmation so much. And it's because I grew up with such a critical father. And so I never felt enough. And so enough the more that what's really cool is here's a tool
10:20:43 When you're able to give that love language to yourself you crave it less and less for other people.
10:20:50 Yeah, so good.
10:20:50 Which is really even more amazing because once you're not desperate and meeting it from other people, it's like suddenly it just comes naturally.
10:20:58 And it fills your bucket, but not in a way where you were desperate for it.
10:21:04 Yeah. Mm-hmm.
10:21:04 It's just like… Like, thank you like it's just a simple able to receive rather than this constant like Desperation.
10:21:15 Does that make sense? Yeah.
10:21:16 That is so interesting. Yeah, that does make sense. And I'm just thinking about my love languages.
10:21:22 I don't know if you guys don't know what we're talking about. We're referencing like the book, the five languages is i'm seeming like words of affirmation Quality time, touch.
10:21:33 Ass and service. What's the fifth one?
10:21:38 Which one did you not know? Did you say quality time?
10:21:39 Access service boards touch time there's a fifth.
10:21:44 Yeah.
10:21:44 Find service words.
10:21:51 I can't think of it. I have it on my bookshelf.
10:21:55 So, uh. But either way, they're side of them.
10:22:00 I can't think of what the other one is.
10:22:00 Time, service, words, affirmation. Time, service, words, touch, affirmation.
10:22:11 Okay.
10:22:08 I'm serious. Okay, we got it all. Yeah, so like mine would be Mine's like… Quality time, well, I don't know. So like mine, I like access service because access service gives me quality time with other people.
10:22:26 But I would say my top tier are like touch and quality time because I grew up in a family of six. There were four kids. I was the second So oftentimes i was like oftentimes the second mother of my two younger siblings. I had to do a lot of
10:22:41 The chores to like help keep the household going And I was an older one. So like a lot of the older responsibility falls on you. So that makes a lot of sense that you said that like oh, I didn't really get quality time from my parents.
10:22:55 Or really, you know. Just anybody in general in my family because it was just busy with six different people in a house full of you know my parents tried to meet four individual people's needs And then, yeah, quality time and touch and so like
10:23:11 We were we are kind of a touchy family like we will Sometimes I have received feedback from You guys are like in each other's business too much. But I'm like, well, when you grow up in a family of four in a small house, like you're going to be in each other's spaces.
10:23:26 But yeah, like I think maybe like hugging or i just like like my husband and I, we just like to hold hands or like we'll just randomly touch each other.
10:23:35 Five.
10:23:36 Like not even just like Chris in the back or like touch a finger like really light and so Well, that's interesting that you said that because I've never put those two together.
10:23:46 Yeah, it is probably for that safety to just touches just like, oh, I'm safe. Like, you don't have to get kicked out of the car and go to the car wash right now. Like you're safe.
10:23:51 Yes. Yeah. Yeah, yes.
10:23:55 And you say service is one of yours too, right? Did you say that?
10:24:04 Okay.
10:23:58 Talks and service. Yeah, that was the other one like This is my last one. I enjoy giving gifts but like i'm This gives me anxiety so i've will not show love through gifts.
10:24:15 Interesting.
10:24:15 I will, but it's like… If you get a gift for me, it's very special because you know I put a lot of time and effort into it.
10:24:22 Because I wanted it to be like And I wanted to be practical and I wanted sultry.
10:24:29 Yeah, it's just beautiful to explore. It's just so fun to see I mean, the service makes sense if you were forced to do service constantly. Being the oldest, having lots of responsibilities and chores and never getting to choose how do I want to serve you today, mom? Like you just
10:24:46 Yeah.
10:24:44 Have to have to have to. You're like, I deserve some service now. Like, who can serve me? How can I get my needs met so Yeah, it's just fun to explore. It's fun to hold grace and compassion through it all.
10:24:53 Yes.
10:25:00 Yes. Are there any um exercises or anything. I know we had talked about doing like a little mini healing session. I don't know if we have time for that or if you want to still go down that route.
10:25:12 Let's… Let's try.
10:25:10 Or if you just want to be like, hey, if you're going through some things here's maybe some anchors Okay.
10:25:18 For a little bit and see what comes up. And then… Yeah, we'll go from there.
10:25:21 Okay.
10:25:26 All right.
10:25:27 Okay, so what's something that you, that maybe isn't First of all, I want to know, anytime we're doing these kind of pilling This is only for little T trauma. Like if you have a really big T trauma like something
10:25:41 That's just huge, maybe abuse or something else like That's for therapy like we're not even going to touch them. But little T traumas, we can totally um work through and be guided through with Jesus Christ. It's all so beautiful. So what's a little thing that maybe isn't
10:26:07 Well, do you want to just stick with the car wash one?
10:26:03 Big in any way that's coming up for you today.
10:26:09 Yeah, let's do the car wash one. Yeah, let's do that. That's perfect.
10:26:11 That memory? Okay.
10:26:15 Okay, so I want you to picture yourself in that car at that time.
10:26:20 Mm-hmm.
10:26:19 In the car wash. And tell me the exact words that your dad says.
10:26:28 So he's like, if you don't stop crying, I'm going to put you out in the car wash.
10:26:33 And what's the emotion that comes up in that exact moment?
10:26:39 Fear. Fear am like, no say safety what
10:26:40 What are you afraid of that? What's the fear want to say like what are you afraid of? What does it want to express?
10:26:58 Yeah.
10:26:48 Yeah. I'm afraid that I'm going to be… like left behind like my parents are gonna push me out. They're not going to protect me And I'm all like being in this car wash Like with all the soap and the water and like the swishiness and
10:27:12 They are hurt. Yeah.
10:27:19 Yeah.
10:27:09 Courses are kind of scary anyway because there's a lot of things happening I don't know. It's like, for me, it's a claustrophobic experience probably from this like because i feel like I'm trapped in from this memory.
10:27:25 Yeah, it's like I feel trapped. I don't feel protected. I don't feel safe and like there's no love there, there's just fear.
10:27:36 Okay. And then we get really present in the body. I love using somatics with this. So we're just going to get present with the body. Where do you sense this fear show up in your body?
10:27:54 I mean, it's like, I would say in like my chest like my bowl, chest, stomach.
10:28:00 Area part
10:28:04 Okay. Um… Quick note, when we're noticing the body, that can give us signs. So oftentimes when it's in the stomach, that means that it's relating to our self-worth, self-esteem, and something got triggered there of this like maybe invaluable and unloved
10:28:24 And then chest is just oftentimes like that's where grief is stored or anxiety of like, I really am not protected right now like you just said so Good awareness.
10:28:35 Mm-hmm. All of those emotions like that makes so much sense what you just said like yes I don't feel like my heart is broken but my parents Because they don't want to protect me in that moment and didn't want to
10:28:49 Like be like, oh, you're scared like don't like instead of pouring life into me like hey, there's nothing to be scared of like this is just a wishy thingy like it's making us nowhere. Like, it's okay you're safe.
10:29:10 100%.
10:29:01 They did not, my father particular I know his trauma and stuff so it's like it makes sense now but like in the moment you don't know that And you just see like my dad doesn't care about me like That's heartbreaking for a little girl to
10:29:16 To have that and then yeah like am i just so invaluable or just going to put me in the car wash and like leave me behind So yeah, that makes so much sense that those two areas when you explain that.
10:29:28 Oh, beautiful. I'm glad it connects because the more awareness we have, it's like the more our heart wants to heal of like, oh, that's why this was all for my good. Okay, let's go back.
10:29:40 So let's go back to this. Little girl.
10:29:47 What does she need in this moment?
10:29:52 What could serve her, what could help her Does she wish that her mom would speak up? Does she wish that her dad suddenly says something different? Like, what does she And sometimes, like I said, if you can't envision your parent in this moment.
10:30:10 What does Christ want to come in and do for you in this moment?
10:30:16 I mean, I think she just needs to be comforted. And protected.
10:30:22 So yeah, like, like hugged my initial like for me like big branding was to hug my little child brady I'm just like, you are safe. You are loved.
10:30:33 You are known like you like it's okay. I've got you and you're protected.
10:30:34 Yes, yes. Okay, so see yourself really do that.
10:30:41 This is so important to know too. You can absolutely reparent your inner child.
10:30:48 In any given moment. And having yourself now or even a higher self of you like we have so many versions of ourselves but just seeing Whatever you need, come forward.
10:30:58 Yeah.
10:31:00 Whatever version of you And just offering that is so healing and so comforting. Sometimes we truly have to be our own best friend
10:31:17 I love it.
10:31:12 Yes. Yeah. And like just inviting Jesus to like Right now, like the vision in my head right now is just like, I can see her like her little it's after church on sunday like she's in a little sunday dress
10:31:24 They're frilly socks. And the big bow that she hated.
10:31:29 And that's just like me and jesus and we're just like attending to her And we'll be here.
10:31:36 Just comforting her. The way that I would comfort my son if he was scared.
10:31:41 Absolutely. Absolutely. Let her book that in as long as she needs. And then when she's ready We're just going to check in.
10:31:55 Which we're going to… bring the trigger again. So we're going to say car wash, dad's threatening On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you feel that threat now?
10:32:03 No.
10:32:08 It's still there. But it's not as like… It doesn't make me want to cry or does that give me like the response that I was having probably at the beginning of this conversation. So, yeah.
10:32:20 Okay. Okay.
10:32:25 Yeah, having that awareness. I should have asked you from the start how big you felt the emotion on a scale of one to 10, but knowing that it went down is so healing and so comforting. And then sometimes that helps to like to journal on it maybe scribble out some emotions
10:32:37 Yes.
10:32:42 It sounds weird, but just like scribbling with a pen of like, I felt fear and then just like really allowing your inner child to just have this like coloring party for a little bit.
10:32:52 And then another visualization that I got for you that you can choose to receive or not is So you do get thrown out of the car wash. Where's Christ? Does he catch you? Are you okay the entire time? Do you guys have a spot?
10:33:04 Bye.
10:33:05 Party like and making it just this fun like no matter even the worst of the worst happens How can it be fun and glorious?
10:33:08 Yeah.
10:33:13 If we truly invite Christ into the invite deepest, darkest part.
10:33:23 Yeah.
10:33:17 That's good. Yeah, there's joy in that vision like he does catch me and like it's kind of like we're playing in the rain together And yeah, I can see that.
10:33:30 And we're just like stomping in the puddles. Yes. That's a cool, I like that vision. Yeah.
10:33:34 I love it. And then another helpful tool may be to write a letter to your dad. You're not going to give this letter to him.
10:33:43 But an angry letter of, hey, I felt… Dot, dot, dot and really just like allow all of your emotions, all of your thoughts, all of your worries to come forward. And then in that letter.
10:33:55 Telling him what you need. And you can pray over this letter with with just so much.
10:34:03 Love but being held by God in it to be able to really process the emotions. And if you feel a prompting to go actually talk to your dad about the situation like you can. But a lot of times it can clear up when we're willing
10:34:18 Write and process through prayer and journaling.
10:34:22 Yes. Yeah. Like one thing that comes for me is just like forgiveness as well like I choose to forgive you for saying those words for not protecting me, for not making me feel safe and comforted in those moments.
10:34:36 When you could have.
10:34:36 Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And also, if it ever applies to anyone, getting to know your genealogy a little bit. What was your grandpa like?
10:34:48 How did he treat your dad in those moments? And just being able to have compassion for his little child too of Where did he not feel safe? Where was he threatened? Why is this coming up and just space for all, right?
10:35:03 Yes. Yeah, that has been helpful for me because i can see No, I typically do see my parents. I see their inner child first.
10:35:11 And I can see like i can in that vision, I can see my dad's inner child being like oh no she's crying. This is not safe.
10:35:20 You're not allowed to cry. You have to be strong. You can't be afraid of anything.
10:35:25 And then I could see his inner child just like freaking out And his only tool and his tool belt is to yell and threaten.
10:35:33 Because that's what his father did. And that's why this is so important because I know I'm breaking generational trauma.
10:35:41 By doing this work that my parents didn't do. And that my grandparents didn't get to do.
10:35:47 And it's like it's emotional, but it's so beautiful because Hopefully Elijah will like i'm gonna i know i'm i have to ask forgiveness for him a lot.
10:35:57 Alrighty. But I'm like, I'm hoping that he's young enough I said, hold on. I get my stuff worked out fast enough that She doesn't have to break these same chills and he he's going to know love He's going to know comfort and protection and provision.
10:36:18 And not feel unsafe around his parents so So good. So good to do this.
10:36:22 Okay.
10:36:29 Is there anything else, Ashley, that you want to share like I know we talked about Do you mean like the inner feeling but in the moment When we're in the moment, we're feeling these triggers. Is there anything that we can do
10:36:40 Yeah.
10:36:44 To like kind of get reset to our anchor of Jesus and just kind of reset to are… higher version of self you know and like not default into maybe like old patterns or old wounds If we feel these trigger moments coming up.
10:37:03 So beautiful. In the moment, honestly, it is hard.
10:37:09 The greatest thing you can do is just having compassion for yourself in that moment, deep breathing.
10:37:16 Breathing for your child. Like if you're struggling to deep breath, deep breathe, just say like invite your child And it's easier with a toddler than with a teen, but just inviting your child of like, hey, do some deep breaths with me. We're just going to
10:37:29 Chill out and calm down. I like to see like, okay, where is Jesus in this room?
10:37:35 And like really just locating him with my spiritual eyes is so healing and powerful. And sometimes you can see him like he's hugging you, he's loving you like You're not acting your best in this moment and he's he's here you're safe.
10:37:47 And as you do that, it can really just calm the trigger in the moment But the biggest thing to do is the before so preparing and working through this that you'll see the trigger get less and less triggersome the more work you do.
10:38:11 Mm-hmm.
10:38:05 And then after, I just love spending time with Christ in repentance like you were saying Where it literally could rewrite the story. Sometimes your child doesn't have to hang on and remember these moments when you're willing to just go so rare of repentance.
10:38:33 Hmm. Yeah.
10:38:22 Yes, so good. I'm so glad you said that because that just confirms some of the things that i've been doing I've been teaching Elijah how to blow out his candles So like when we're feeling stressed, we're like we're just like literally blowing our fingers he just had a birthday so that has been
10:38:39 I just like started implementing And another thing I've been doing is just being like, Jesus, I need you to come into this room and like just train out loud and be like lose your spirit of like peace and calmness. I'm feeling like stressed and I'm like kind of just praying out loud while my son's doing his thing
10:38:59 And she's one thing that has been cool actually as he was having like a major meltdown.
10:39:06 And he was just like, Jesus, I need you. And it was just like, okay, I'm not as a whole failure as a parent like it is really cool when you guys Start to do these healing work.
10:39:19 Can you learn tools and tricks and you're implementing them like your child is watching and to see him like go to prayer for Jesus, I was like.
10:39:27 This is a really hard moment, but that made that hard moment like so cool because he called out to Jesus in that hard moment.
10:39:35 And that was just so beautiful for me.
10:39:37 Yeah, because in the scriptures it teaches that all of these hard, bad things can be made for our good, right? Like, I think it's in Romans, like it can literally transform and be made for our good. And so when we have that intent of like, okay, I'm really trying to heal. That's my desire here, but I'm going to be imperfect at it for a while.
10:39:56 Like use all of this mess for my child's good.
10:40:01 Yes.
10:40:00 And then it will give you so much grace and compassion of like, okay, all these experiences, like he's learning to pray. He's learning to deep breathe during the stress versus if you came in as a perfect mom, like.
10:40:14 Right.
10:40:12 Would he be learning those in the same way? It's all that's why I say it's all beautiful. It teaches in ways that the perfectionism count.
10:40:20 Yes.
10:40:25 Oh, that's so good, Ashley. That is such a great way to wrap up. Do you have anything else that you want to say before um we just like close out and like feel free to share like where people can connect with you if they want to do some
10:40:38 Maybe some healing sessions with you as well.
10:40:41 Yeah, oh my goodness. This was such a beautiful conversation. It's so needed and it can all be done through Jesus Christ. If you want some sessions with me I do offer some free consultations and you can just find me on ashleyRomney.com.
10:40:59 But it's just so so beautiful and so powerful that we can literally come to know christ in a way that we couldn't with all this work.
10:41:10 Yes. Yes. Parenting is definitely the most beautiful.
10:41:16 Refining journey. That I've ever been on. I feel like I've gotten so much closer to my father in heaven because I'll be saying things and it's like.
10:41:26 Oh, that was for you more than it was for your son. Or he's just like teaching me so many different ways that he loves us, the way he parents us, the way he disciplines us.
10:41:38 And his love and in his Yeah, parenting is one of the hardest but also like most rewarding, most beautiful journeys that I've had the privilege to be on.
10:41:49 I'm just so honored to be Elijah's mom. And so I thank you so much, Ashley, for coming on and sharing your wisdom and just Being able to go to this vulnerable place and have like a raw conversation around emotions and healing and
10:42:07 Trauma and how it does impact you it's it's going to impact generations one way or the other. So whether you kill it or don't heal it, generations will be impacted. And I think that's That's the beauty of what we're doing here.
10:42:22 As king of mothers as we're impacting the next generation to know the identity of Christ to know and operate from the tree of life Know the fruit of the spirit whether we're not going to do it perfect, right? But that's where jesus and the grace
10:42:37 Can cover those gaps for us. So thank you so much, Ashley. And I'll put all your information in the show notes for those who want to connect with Ashley after this episode.