#24 - Graceful Parenting (3 Truths That Are Changing the Game)

 In this episode, I’m sharing 3 powerful truths that have completely transformed the way I parent—and they just might change everything for you too. From seeing our children through the lens of Jesus, to operating in the fruit of the Spirit, and learning to lead with empathy, these simple shifts have brought so much more peace, connection, and purpose to our home. 

If you’re tired of power struggles, constant correction, or feeling like you’re falling short—this is your sign. There’s a better way to parent, and it’s full of grace. 💛 

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Transcript

10:36:03 Oh, man.
10:36:13 Her kingdom others, welcome back to another episode. I'm really excited to dive into today's topic, which is all around graceful parenting You may have heard that I'm going to be facilitating a Graceful parenting masterclass Academy starting in May, and it's going to last for 13 weeks.
10:36:31 And so I wanted to share today what I've learned through going through the Graceful Parenting book and workbook and just getting to know Amy and you know having some coaching sessions with her And why I've decided to partner with her.
10:36:49 So I'm excited to dive in.
10:36:58 All right, let's dive into the three things that I've learned from graceful parenting so far.
10:37:06 So in case you haven't, I would really encourage you to go back to listen to the episode where I actually interview Amy Hayes, who is the author of Graceful Parenting. She has a book and workbook.
10:37:18 That go together and that's what we're going to be studying in this upcoming Masterclass academy And… We're going to be diving into this idea, this theology of parenting from the tree of life versus the tree of good and evil, which is all behavior focused. So I don't know about you, but I was raised in the 90s.
10:37:41 And it was very much behavior modification focused in the church in our family circles. It was all about performance and it was transactional. And so for a long time, I actually really struggled with my divine identity because I thought.
10:37:59 The only way God would love me is if I was this good Christian girl and I behaved and followed the rules and did all the right things. And guess what? When I messed up, when I send.
10:38:10 I felt like i felt like unworthy, unlovable i took off my cross necklace I felt ashamed and guilt instead of feeling safe to go to my father in heaven and be like daddy, I messed up like I'm scared. I don't know what to do. I don't know what my next step is. Like, do you still love me?
10:38:33 Now my relationship Years later, as I've healed in that identity with him, as I've grown to know truly create my own relationship with my father god in heaven.
10:38:45 And come to know his character and who he is as my father and as my God.
10:38:52 I've also learned about me and what he says about me as his daughter.
10:38:59 And so now when i talk to him, I tell him everything. I'm the good, the bad, the ugly.
10:39:09 And I'm not, yes, there's still like reverence and respect, but I'm also not afraid to like have it all out tantrum, for lack of a better word. I actually did this last night. I was doing a journal prayer session and he was getting
10:39:25 Everything I felt and all of my frustrations and I was not holding back.
10:39:32 And the difference is I'm no longer afraid to go to him with those hard, heavy feelings.
10:39:37 And let him co-regulate with me. And so I'm going to be talking about that later on so I really encourage you to go back and listen to the episode with Amy. Where I interview her and we talk about her book.
10:39:50 And I also encourage you to check out I go to brandythomas.com and check out the academy menu item where you can read about our Gracel Parenting Academy coming up in may because This is a kingdom mission.
10:40:05 This is going to change generations. When we instill in our children their divine identity and author from a young age and give them that solid foundation as they grow they're going to change the world in so many different ways than we could even imagine.
10:40:25 And they're not going to be held back by Fear of man.
10:40:30 Just fear of behaving a certain way and fitting into this perfect little box that's society or maybe even the church wants them to fit in And they can actually truly step into their divine identity and authority and walk it out
10:40:44 Instead of hopefully not wasting time and not that it was wasted but like taking time in therapy sessions and counseling sessions and you know just healing sessions as we're trying to reprogram our own behavior modification you know what we were raised in.
10:41:02 And that is why I'm so passionate about this me and when we truly parent from the tree of life when we truly parent from god's design What generational chains are we going to break?
10:41:16 What type of children are we going to be putting out into the world that were created for such a time as this that were given to us to steward and nurture because God could trust us.
10:41:28 And so I'm just really passionate about this way of stewarding our children and parenting them.
10:41:36 Because there is going to be good fruit. When we align and partner with God's plan for parenting.
10:41:42 We are going to bear good fruit. So I want to dive into what are the three things that I've learned and that I've been able to grow in from actually studying this and walking it out.
10:41:54 And let me just say, I have not walked this out perfectly. I oftentimes fall back into default settings and I have to repent for those and turn away.
10:42:06 That God is a forgiving God and so is my son. Thankfully, he is a forgiving child And so I'm not walking this out perfectly, but I am also seeing the fruit of walking it out. And so I want to speak to that and be an encouragement for that.
10:42:21 So the very first thing that completely changed when I started practicing parenting from a tree of life was seeing Elijah through the lens of Jesus.
10:42:31 And not through the lens of the lens He's screaming in school or he's making noise and running around when he's supposed to be sitting in this auditorium.
10:42:41 And just seeing like he's a bad kid. He's out of control. He doesn't listen. He's being disobedient.
10:42:48 Instead, I look at him now and be like, okay, who is he in his divine identity What was he created for and how can I nurture and steward that?
10:42:58 And so I've actually written down what I believe is his identity that god has given him what god's basically created him for am i able to prophesy over that and speak that into him My child is very body smart
10:43:14 He is very creative and he is very creative outgoing he has outgoing he has he has a voice and he wants to use it.
10:43:23 And so it is on me right to nurture him and train him up on like when is when and how we can use that voice.
10:43:31 And so, but it helps me to not get so worked up on just focusing on that behavior in that minute when he wasn't a perfect little child in some social experience, right?
10:43:47 Instead, I see him, okay, he's got a voice and he wants to be heard maybe drama and theater is going to be for him. Maybe he's going to be a public speaker and getting him into like debate and speaking opportunities is going to be him.
10:44:02 And so instead of trying to silence his voice. I can be like, hey, I love your voice. I love that you want to be heard and seen and like so fun when you want to run up on stage and be in front of people.
10:44:16 That is awesome. In this situation, though, we need to sit back and respect that person speaking.
10:44:22 So it completely shifts how I respond to different situations now instead of getting flustered or frustrated or feeling overwhelmed, which I still do feel those things at times I'm able though to reset myself a lot faster And remind myself, okay, this child was given to me to steward. He has these gifts and I'm seeing these gifts.
10:44:48 Come out in the natural in the wild, if you will.
10:44:54 Now I need to speak life into them. Speak life into his divine identity and who God created him to be and affirm that while also discipling him and training him on when and how to use those certain gifts and talents.
10:45:11 So that was a big one for me is always doing my best to keep that perspective of okay who is… Elijah through the lens of elijah.
10:45:25 Who is his divine identity? And what do I need to do to nurture that and steward that?
10:45:32 So that's number one. And probably a very, very important lesson that I've learned and been practicing is to parent with the fruit of the spirit.
10:45:41 And so when we bring Jesus into our heart, we accept the Holy Spirit, we get to experience the fruit of the spirit.
10:45:50 And this is, it's not fruits. So let me be clear it is One fruit. So think of an apple and you're taking multiple bites.
10:45:59 And so when we bite into this Holy Spirit fruit, we get to experience love, joy, peace.
10:46:05 Forbearance, gentleness, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control all at once.
10:46:12 And as I was looking up this, so this is from Galatians 5 22 through 20.
10:46:17 But 522 through 23. And I was like, okay, forbearance.
10:46:24 That actually means patience and endurance. There's other synonyms like tolerance and fortitude stoicism long suffering Leniency, clemency.
10:46:39 Restraint and so restraint and so I'm like, okay, God.
10:46:45 Love, joy, peace. Patience, endurance, gentleness, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, self-control. When I receive the Holy Spirit when I operate in the spirit. I get to pair with And from all of these things.
10:46:59 And so that's why it's so important for us as parents to actually be in the word of God so we can be filling up with his you know his living water and his living water filling up with his bread of life and we're filling up ourselves so that we're overflowing with the spirit and the spirit is just going to fall out of us basically because we have so much of it.
10:47:22 And so it does start with us to start with us make sure we are spending time with the Lord and we're soaking time with him so that we when we emerge from that soaking time with him and that that time
10:47:35 You know, our secret we actually are just so in connect so connected with so connected with God and the Holy Spirit, that fruit just comes out of us.
10:47:47 And again, this is all easier said than done. Struggle with career bible type I struggle with finding quiet time or I can just hear my own thoughts sometimes But God is always with us. Jesus is always with us and we can always receive these.
10:48:07 And so I've learned a lot of times to just stop in the moment if I'm feeling myself becoming overwhelmed or unregulated and unregulated and I'm just like, it's just like the situation is becoming out of control I just invite jesus in and i'm like jesus
10:48:25 I bind any spirit of chaos, frustration, resentment, anger And I loose your Holy Spirit. We loose the spirit and have love and joy and peace and patience and gentleness and kindness and goodness and faithfulness and self-control help us to have
10:48:41 Self-control in this moment give us strength to endure. And so that is a prayer that I pray out loud.
10:48:49 Elijah is going to be hearing that and seeing that. So when I'm also teaching him how to pray, I'm teaching him how to bring Jesus into a difficult or out of control situation.
10:48:59 And I'm also reminding myself who i am As a daughter of the king with my own divine identity and authority and what I have access to.
10:49:10 And also in that moment, it reminds me to be like patient. Show up with love and kindness to this situation, to this tantrum to this breakdown of emotions show up with love and joy and peace and gentleness and kindness and self-control and faithfulness
10:49:31 And then see what happens. Instead of showing up with I want this to go my way. I need control of this situation.
10:49:42 And you need to listen to me and obey me I'm showing up with the fruit of the spirit. And that leads me to my third thing that I've learned is parenting with empathy.
10:49:54 So this is something, believe it or not, I struggle with. I can be very empathetic to adults And, you know, there's commercials and movies, I'll start crying because of the empathy but like for some reason, my child and I
10:50:07 When I feel disrespected or I feel like he's being disobedient.
10:50:12 Triggers some things inside of me and it's hard. It's been hard for me in the past to have empathy and I've been like, just get over it you know why are you crying? This isn't a big deal. Instead of seeing him as a child who needs me.
10:50:27 And so what Graceful parenting has done is, again, it's helped me reframed who my child is and what he needs from me.
10:50:34 And actually seeing him as a child who doesn't know how to co-regulate.
10:50:39 He or he doesn't know how to regulate. And so he needs me to co-regulate with him. He needs and wants to be seen and heard.
10:50:46 And oftentimes when our children are having some sort of like mental emotional breakdown, like their tantrums, their meltdowns.
10:50:57 It's because there is an unmet need and that's the only way they know how to express it.
10:51:02 And so coming to them and actually making them feel seen and heard and seen You know, my son, he tells me over, I just want to play And I'm like, I know your heart's desire is to play all the time
10:51:17 And plain is good. Plain is so fun. How can we play on our way to the bathroom? How can we play while we're brushing your teeth?
10:51:26 And so it's helped me to one hear him and learn oh This literal desire, his only thing like literally the only thing he cares about is how can I have fun?
10:51:38 How can I play? And so for me as a mom, I've had to learn One, how to play and how to be creative and be like, okay, how can I make this fun? Can we do an elephant walk to the bathroom? Can we
10:51:52 I make silly sounds while he brushes his teeth. So it has definitely pushed me a little bit out of my comfort zone to become more playful, to become a better listener to my to my child and really understanding that he is his own person. He has autonomy and he has desires and needs and wants
10:52:13 And just like I have desires and needs and wants and I want to be heard and I want to be seen and understood me just taking that you know 30 seconds just to get eye level with him.
10:52:28 To repeat back what he's telling me to ask, to seek first. So if you've ever done The seven habits of a highly effective person, right? It's One of them is to seek first to understand, then be understood.
10:52:43 And so practicing that too of like okay What is the actual problem here?
10:52:50 He's not trying to be mean. He's not trying to be disobedient. He's not trying… to like just being like misbehave just to misbehave. It feels like that sometimes for sure. It definitely feels like that.
10:53:04 But when I actually sit down with him and I'm like, what is going on, buddy? Like, why are you… Why are you doing this? Why are you upset right now? And it always comes I just went to play.
10:53:16 And so, okay, I have a very playful child. I have a child who needs help with making things seem fun so that he actually accomplishes them.
10:53:28 And that has pushed me to parent his and steward his identity and nurture and steward his talents and his strengths and so Graceful parenting has just changed so much of how i perceive my son and perceive my son how I show up to the more difficult parenting moments with him.
10:53:55 And it just reminds me okay He is a child of God. He has a divine identity and authority. So how can I speak into that? How can I be prophesying over that.
10:54:08 How can I show up with the fruit of the spirit? Because like I said in my last episode of James Worm.
10:54:13 When we endure our children trials.
10:54:19 We need to count it all joy because it is growing us. It is producing good fruit for us. And then in turn we get to teach that back to our children so I get to practice the fruit of the spirit and experience them all at one time, even though it feels sometimes where I feel out of control and I feel
10:54:35 Dysregulated but that's when I call on my father in heaven to be like, okay, I need you to hold me right now so that I can hold my son and keep it all together.
10:54:44 And then also parenting with empathy and seeing that my child is somebody who needs me. They're acting out not because they're intentionally trying to be bad they're innately evil no they are just a child who doesn't know how to regulate their emotions. They want to be seen and heard just as much as we do, but they don't understand how to do that. So we have to come alongside them
10:55:08 Help them regulate, get back to that place of peace and speak life into them and steward them.
10:55:16 And so these are the three things that I've learned and been practicing and growing in with the graceful parenting curriculum and why I'm so passionate about being able to facilitate this class with Amy Hayes and bringing what she's been teaching into the world, into the parents that i
10:55:38 Know who went to raise kingdom lawyers who want to raise children who are going to create a kingdom impact.
10:55:45 And I just hope this encourages you to say yes. It's $79 for 13 weeks. We're going to meet an hour a week and a week there will be reading and homework between, but it's really not Like I've done everything I can to make this as user-friendly as possible for a busy parent
10:56:05 Um so i You know, I just encourage you to say yes and pray about it and you can check out all the information at brandythomas.com under the academy menu item and it'll pull up for graceful parenting so With that, I love you guys. I'm praying for you, mama, and you are doing an amazing job. Keep
10:56:28 Going. You are not alone in this journey. All right. With that, I'll see you next week.